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emily-headless, shiny, brains
2003-12-16 � 3:12 p.m.

I babysat my neighbor Emily again on Sunday. Here are some of the amazing excerpts. Please keep in mind she is only 6 yrs old and in first grade. The subject matter and vocabulary is quite advanced.

�At school, I brought in this snow globe I made for sharing time and this kid pointed at me and said really slow �sh-in-y Em-i-ly.�� Then she pointed at me and said very slowly �sh-i-ny Jes-si-ca� followed by thunderous laughter. When the laughter subsided enough for her to talk she said �I am going to call you that every time I see you outside from now on!� followed by more thunderous laughter. She also called me this at least 5 more times during the next hour.

�Sometimes at school they call me Emily Head-less!�

she forced me to build her a fort out of the couch cushions and blankets. However when I tried to leave windows and a sky light she shrieked �NO! the sunlight will kill me! I am short of breath� and then she pretended to faint.

Emily found a candy wrapper in the couch under the cushions we were removing. She said �this must be my dad�s, I only steal Hershey�s kisses and I hide my wrappers in the vents!� then she crumpled the wrapper into a ball and gave it to me and said �here, a token for you from our house to remember us always!�

When Rebecca, Emily�s baby sister started crying a lot b/c of the very dark and scariness inside the fort, she said frankly �I didn�t know Becca could get so ballistic!�

�anything can happen when I am around! And I mean anything! Like even the house could explode! Or the aliens might come to get their babies from my basement b/c I stole their babies.�

After finally getting Becca to go to sleep, we went into the basement to play. We played a game called �slave.� Surprisingly enough I got to be the master for once. She was a very talkative slave and she kept yelling at me for filling my chamber pot so quickly. I found this to be unusual b/c I had not relieved myself even once. She would go empty the �slops� in the corner of the basement. She would turn over the pot and proceed to make plopping and farting noises as the �slops� emptied out. Later she informed me that the pot kept getting filled b/c my brother �peter� was using my chamber pot instead of his own.

She wouldn�t let me turn off the basement lights b/c she wanted her parents to have to keep buying new bulbs. I said that then they would have less money to buy her toys. Her response was the one thing that I hope to hear ring out from every child, �I don�t want toys. I only want books!� and then she dashed into the kitchen.

She refused to go to bed until I taught her about square roots (no i am not kidding) and explained how they worked. She wanted me to explain �that calculus thing� to her, but I insisted that she already knows much more math than the average first grader and that she really needed to go to bed.

On the way upstairs she complained about how her parents wouldn�t let her read the harry potter books by herself b/c they had �too hard words.� Then she was even more angery that they wouldn�t even read the 4th harry potter book with her b/c it was too violent. �I like reading about gross stuff. It�s just like when my dad and I talk about people splitting their heads open and dogs coming over and eating the brains that are oozing out.�

as you can tell, it is worth every minute.

byeness

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