thanks kids.

Last week I had to drive home for 8 hrs by myself. Despite my hate for driving, it was ok for there was plenty of good music and I accomplished much praying and thinking.

But one song that made me think and pray all the more was U2�s Walk On. It reminded me of the hard and painful time winter 2001 when our church was broken and scattered and our pastor was forced to resign by a group of some unsettled individuals. The kids of the �fam� sang this song at our last Sunday at that church.

During that time I did not know enough about God to be able to rely on Him. But God knew this and that is why He had spent 3 years building the �fam,� a new family out of 4 previously independent families. He wove and stitched us together with His love. We had many differences and many similarities, but it didn�t matter, because God is what united us in fellowship. And that is how we supported one another. That is how we came through that difficult time.

I thought that that was the worst experience of my life.

But I was wrong.

Something much much worse came along in the summer of 2003. Satan broke apart that family when we were weak after a tough year of transitions. So 2 of the families no longer speak to each other and the other 2 families are stuck in the middle, and we all just sort of pretend that nothing happened. It was and still is totally taboo. But I am sick of pretending.

Afterwards, I started praying that God would heal us and unite us once again. There was a small attempt for a reunion by the leadership of the children of the �fam� in December of 2003 but it was unsuccessful.

While I was driving last week, I then realized that this is the same week that it had happened a year ago. But the family is still broken. Broken for a whole year. So I continue to pray for healing. Healing of our hearts and minds.

So the song reminded me of the hurt and then the more hurt, I even cried the whole time as I listened to it 3 times. But then I wiped my tears away and listened again and really listened to the words.

The words applicable to this situation now just as they were to that situation then:

And love

It's not the easy thing

The only baggage

That you can bring

Not the easy thing

The only baggage you can bring

Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart

And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off

And if your glass heart should crack

Before the second you turn back

Oh no, be strong

Walk on

Walk on

What you got, they can't steal it

No they can't even feel it

Walk on

Walk on

Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place

None of us has been

A place that has to be believed

To be seen

You could have flown away

A singing bird

In an open cage

Who will only fly

Only fly for freedom

Walk on

Walk on

What you got

You can't deny it

Can't sell it or buy it

Walk on

Walk on

Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches

How your heart it breaks

You can only take so much

Walk on

Walk on

Home

Hard to know what it is

If you never had one

Home

I can't say where it is

But I know I'm going

Home

That's where the hurt is

And I know it aches

And your heart it breaks

You can only take so much

Walk on

Leave it behind

You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion

All that you make

All that you build

All that you break

All that you measure

All that you steal

All this you can leave behind

All that you reason

All that you care

It's only time

And I'll never fill up my mind (??)

All that you sense

All that you speak

All you dress up

And all that you scheme

All you create

All that you wreck

All that you hate

So what Bono is saying it seems kind of hopeless now, and it hurts, but there is a lot of stuff we CAN leave behind, and start out on a new road with a new destination.

Then I think of a song by the Christian hip-hop group Souljahz (that is �soldiers� for those of you who don�t speak Ebonics) called LET GO. Here are some of the lyrics:

�When your head hangs so low feel it draggin' on the ground

When you feel like the whole world jumped on your soul

Breathe in, breathe out yo, and let go, come on now

One, two what should I do

It hurts me to walk with this hole in my shoe

But I can't complain 'cause at least I got feet

And I don't need no shoes just to groove to the beat

Or to read Psalm 23 when it tells me

The Lord be my shepherd so what else do I need

Or Psalm 91 says

He'll deliver me

if I L-O-V-E the G-O-D

CHORUS:

So let go, let go, let go 4X

Let it go, yo, yo, you got yo problems,

you got yo issues, you gotta

Let it go, yeah, came asada with no

Horchata, haha, you gotta

Let it go, uh, you got yo drama, yo baby, yo baby mama

you gotta let it go, yo, you got yo problems

yo issues and God knows

He's reachin' out for you dawg yo let it go

Then today the writers of the television drama Judging Amy reminded me that

�letting go is easy, it�s the holding on that hurts.�

So I am reminded today by these two entities (I know this connection is jacked up hammer time [thanks cat] ) that we have to let it go. The longer we hold on, the longer and worse it hurts.

So I will leave you with the chapter of the Bible that has taught me the most about God and following Jesus this past year, I hope to have the whole thing memorized by Jesus� birthday:

Ephesians 4

1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called�5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

7But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8This is why it says: "When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men." 9 (What does "he ascended" mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions ? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.)

11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21 Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Byeness